From "Permanent Records":
Some time in or around the year 2030, I am sure I will be awakened one morning by the ringing of the hologram phone. The president — whether it will be Jenna Bush or Chelsea Clinton, I don’t know — will say to me: “Jay, I have bad news. You can’t be Fed Chairman/Secretary of War/Supreme Overlord after all. The opposition party’s got some dirt on you, and you’ll never make it through the confirmation hearing.”Click here to read the column.
As I sit there, dealing with my crushing rejection, I’d wonder what did me in. Was it the away message back in 2014 that said: “Skipping work today. At the baseball game”? Did my uncle violate U.N. sanctions by selling pop tarts to the Libyans — and then brag about it on his MySpace? Or did Sen. Chuck Norris threaten a filibuster over my membership in a Facebook group that claimed he is Jack Bauer’s girlie little sister?